How Did Ashton Kutcher Punk an Entire State?

Of the more interesting primary victories this week was the big win for South Carolina Democrat Senatorial Candidate Alvin Greene. Alvin's stunning victory may be a part of a greater strategy by the DNC and the White House to influence elections by secretly putting up candidates whom they see as policy experts. Sort of like Alvin. Here are some of the more interesting points about this future leader, culled from various media outlets:

• He is an unemployed ex-vet who was reportedly 'forced out' of the Army.
• Greene had virtually no money, no campaign donations, no advertising of any kind, and no campaign website. Lobbyists can't influence you when they don't know who you are.
• Greene lives with his parents. He is not on home incarceration, either.
• A tidbit from his foreign policy platform: 'I think there should be one Korea, under democracy, done peacefully.  It would be good for the economy of the nation and South Carolina and our allies.' Very brave of him to not let history or political realities to get in the way of his beliefs -- he's a true Democrat. There is no word yet on whether he believes there should be a worldwide minimum wage of $37 per hour or if every global citizen should have a right to 'Free Ice Cream Wednesdays'.
• Greene is, of course, a big supporter of President Obama and Obamacare.
• When asked about TARP funding to bail out financial institutions, and how he would have voted on the measure, he replied, "TARP? What's that? (pause) I'll have to get back to you on that." Thank you Jake Gibson of Fox News for being one of the only media guys to report this.
• Greene was equally astute on the subject of Iran: 'I think how we're going about, what we're doing is OK, I think ... Look, I have someone beeping on the other line, I have to move on ... I'm exhausted.'
• He has said he is looking forward to debating Republican incumbent Senator Jim DeMint. Sorry Mr. Greene, you are not nearly excited about that debate as the rest of us are.

• Greene apparently took an interview in his dad's living room in a pair of sweatpants and family reunion t-shirt from 1993. They always love those shirts, with all the tacky airbrushing and  the memorial 'R.I.P. Jamal' stuff written all over them. Let's not forget the grainy family pics printed on them, too. I wonder if they had a step competition for that one back in '93?
• The AP broke the story the day after Greene's victory that he was recently hit with a felony obscenity charge. Greene apparently approached Camille McCoy, then 18, in a computer lab in November at the University of South Carolina and showed her porn. He is then alleged to have propositioned her and asked to follow her back to her room.  Miss McCoy, a young self-described Republican, was stunned that her alleged harasser had wone the Democrat Senate primary or was even in the race, for that matter. Unfortunately, there are no pics of the teen victim that can be found, but The Third Front is really anxious to see what she looks like. Really, really anxious.
• There are no reports as to what he was doing in a college campus computer lab. Maybe he was taking a break from raking leaves.

The South Carolina state Democrat political machine, the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, and the Democratic National Convention have all ignored Alvin Greene, except to ask him to drop out of the race. Doubtless the Obama Administration will have Rahm Emmanuel use an intermediary (like Tyler Perry, perhaps) to offer this guy a job in the government -- with his ideas he seems right in line with Obama's foreign policy advisors anyway, so he might be a natural fit.

However, I think I share the view of the nation in saying NO! Mr. Greene should stick with his campaign. Here is a young, moral, intelligent African-American who had the audacity of hope to go against all odds and run a campaign for the U.S. Senate just because he has a lot of time on his hands. This rising Democrat star is being held down by the man, and the small-minded bureaucrats in his party need to see his true potential. After all, if our president was a U.S. senator for only about 17 days, and had a resume' rich with just some community organizing, why can't Alvin Greene take his vast expertise to Washington? We say take it, brother.

Regardless of the outcome, this is the classic American story of a guy who dared to reach for the stars -- by giving the finger to Obama. This is Alvin Greene's V-E Day.  It's his day to storm the Bastille, or to be the first one to get his Popeye's coupons in the mail. But more than that, this may just be his way to say to Obama, "Screw you and your failed stimminus! You done bailed out da wrong folks...you promised green jobs and I ain't got no Greene job, but I's about to!"

So we say to Senatorial candidate Alvin Green that you've given us hope and change we can believe in. And for that, we thank you.